The Most Mismanaged Restaurant in Which I've Ever Worked

Greetings,

Its been awhile since I posted. February was my last post, I believe. I haven't been slacking on writing, ecoRI.org is keeping me plenty busy on that end. I've published over 40 articles since taking the position as a staff writer there, and it's led to at least one ongoing freelance opportunity. Big thanks to Frank Carini for giving me the opportunity to radically alter my career path at age 35, and a small self congratulations to me for having the cojones to do it.

Also, since I last posted, I've taken a part time job cooking at a local restaurant. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

I can say this without a hint of hyperbole. My current job in "the business" is in the most mismanaged restaurant  in which I've ever had the extreme displeasure of working. Really.

First, the menu is WAY too big. 94 items on the regular menu, and another 75 or so on the weeknight special menus. 

Tuesday is a dumb pasta night with 4 kinds of pasta, 10 proteins, and 11 different sauces for $9.99. The menu boasts over 4000 "pastable" combinations, and exactly zero of them are any good.

Wednesdays are truly "wacky" with the chef dreaded "twofer." Choice of lousy soup or salad, a bottle of cheap wine or a pitcher of domestic (read: crappy) beer, two entrees from a choice of 23, coffee,and dessert for the business crippling price of $30.

Thursday nights are my, and every other employees, least favorite night of the week. All you can eat shrimp served 20 different ways, many of them drenched in pre- packaged, high sodium, high sugar content sauces. What does this quick route to atherosclerosis and diabetes cost? How about $12.99 per person. That's good, because insulin, hypertension drugs, and foot amputations are expensive.

That's just the "specials."

 How about the entire box of brown sugar in 4 gallons of "French" onion soup? Here's a hint. If you carmelize the onions properly, you extract the natural sugars from them, and added sugar isn't necessary. And what? No sherry in the "French" onion? They might as well call it candied onion soup.

The clam chowder is a complete joke. We live in the Ocean State, less than 20 miles from the shore. You'd think we could use fresh chopped clams in the chowder that, honestly, could be used as drywall patch, it's so damn thick. But, alas no, frozen chopped clams are cheaper. Here's another hint. Cream is a flavor, not a soup base.

The steaks are a complete travesty. Cryovac packaged sirloin anyone? Didn't think so. How about a 10 oz. bacon wrapped filet marinated in aujus made with beef base? No takers? 14 oz. of steak tips from a cut so tough that they have to be needled AND marinated in, get this, ketchup, cola, and italian dressing, all of which contain high fructose corn syrup? And I'm the only employee that I've seen that actually takes the time to trim them of all the fat and silverskin. Whatsa matter, not hungry?

Chicken breasts? Frozen. Scallops? Frozen. One of the few items on the expansive menu that aren't frozen, or come out of a can, are the meatballs which, judging by the flavor, may as well have been.

The portion sizes are ridiculous. 14 oz. of pasta on a plate? Really? Are you running a marathon tomorrow? Not so hungry? Feel free to order off of our kids menu, but the portions are EXACTLY THE SAME for half the price!?! Oh, and kids eat free on Sundays.

The menu is populated by signature dishes from local restaurants that have gone out of business, and some that haven't, leading to ethical and legal dilemmas. God forbid you should come up with your own recipes. That would require vision and talent, a glaring lack of which is evident. 

I've never seen a less motivated, half assed kitchen staff in my life. 

No one, including the "chef", cleans up after themselves. When I work the prep shift in the morning, I invariably spend at least the first half hour of my day cleaning up messes from the night before. Every time I have to use the slicer, I have to clean it twice. Once before I slice things and once after, because no one cleans it when they're done. Never mind how frustrating this is to me, how about the chance of making someone sick with your shoddy sanitation practices? All of the equipment is less than 5 years old, and it looks like it survived the Blitzkreig.

Speaking of potentially dangerous food handling practices, how about the steam table? 

Dept. of Health says that all foods that are held hot have to reach an initial temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit, and held at no less than 145 degrees Fahrenheit. To achieve this initial temperature, you must heat things up in a pot, on the stove. But that adds an extra step, just dump it all in the steam table pans, and crank it up! Including the canned marinara sauce.

You know that flour that you've had raw seafood and chicken in all night, that you should probably throw out? Fuck it, wrap it up, we'll use it tomorrow! Should you sift it? Why bother? The microbes from the seafood and poultry are small enough to get through the sifter.

All of these problems should be addressed by the chef, or another manager but they're to afraid of the egomaniacal managing partner, who tends to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation... actually, he lives off the handle. He keeps expanding the menu, and piling more work onto the already unmotivated kitchen staff, mostly because he hasn't worked in the kitchen a day in his life. But what  would you expect from a manager whose primary management experience was from "Old Country Buffet?"

I don't think any of them would know a good meal if it bit them back. The fryolator seems to be the preferred method of cooking most of the menu. Roasted chicken? Fry 'em to get 'em going. Meatballs? Fry 'em first. How else are you going to get a nice crust on the outside?

This place has been open for less than five years, and they're already on their fourth chef. I didn't know the other three, but the latest can't be an improvement. 

The management can't even get the schedule up in a reasonable amount of time. Most times, I have to call on Monday to find out if I'm working Tuesday, and yet, they want my requested days off two weeks in advance.

Three things I can't stand in the restaurant business are lack of vision, lack of motivation, and acceptance of mediocrity, all of which this restaurant has in spades. I could go on and on about this place, but I'll sum up by saying this:

They might as well call the restaurant "Midnight at the Apollo" because it's amateur hour every day.

As always,

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Darwinian Theory in the Restaurant Community

     Greetings and Salutations,


     First, the shilling. My latest piece on recycling and waste disposal can be found at www.ecoRI.org. EcoRI will also be a co sponsor (with Farm Fresh Rhode Island) of movie screenings at Local 121, beginning on March 30th. The first film in the series is "FRESH; the movie." It is billed as "Food, Inc." 2.0, focusing more on the solutions, rather than the problems of the food system in America. More on that later.

     Everyone knows that the economy stinks right now, but this downturn in the nation's financial sector could turn into the best thing to ever happen to the dining out public. 

     According to Darwinian theory, the stronger, faster, healthier and smarter animals are more attractive to potential mates, and therefore are more likely to procreate and pass on their superior genes to their offspring. If we think of a restaurant as an animal, and its food quality, service, policies, and practices as it's genes, it's customers as mates, and it's employees as it's offspring, we can easily apply this theory to the hospitality trade.  I suppose we could try Creationist theory, but much like applying Creationism to history, it just doesn't work.

     Let's say there are two restaurants that occupy opposite corners of the same intersection. The eateries are much the same. They are open for lunch and dinner, six days a week, the same amount of staff, similar menus, and a similar price point. 

     Restaurant A has a well lit, tastefully decorated and clean dining room and kitchen, a friendly, personable, respected and well paid staff, recycles what it can, and prepares its food in a creative and conscientious manner.

     Restaurant B has a poorly lit dining room decorated with sofa size art prints from the Venus de Milo "One of a Kind" art fair, windows that look like they haven't been cleaned since the Nixon administration, a staff that looks as if there are a thousand places that they would rather be, throws all of it's waste in one receptacle, and serves meatloaf that is more loaf than meat.

     Restaurant A has all the things for which it's mates are looking. Restaurant B, like the weak and slow witted animals in nature, has to use deception and trickery to attract mates (customers). This usually involves bargains, like a "two fer" deal, and coupons and promotions for free stuff, or gigantic portion sizes. But, who cares if the food is cheap or served in massive quantities, if it's barely edible, or cooked and served under less than sanitary conditions?.
     Restaurant A attracts many mates/ customers. It then passes on it's good policies and practices to it's offspring/ employees. Those employees go on to become the restaurateurs of the future, with ingrained positive notions of how to sustainably operate a restaurant, and treat their offspring/ employees equitably and with respect. Restaurant B dies quickly and without progeny.
     What I'm getting to here is the fact that, in these hard economic times, bad, and even mediocre, restaurants will flounder and fail, while only the fittest will survive. Which will amount to more and better options for the dining out public. So, something good may come out of this economic shitstorm after all.


Love, Peace, and Bacon grease! 

     

     

Misdirected Hostility! That's What You Got!

     Greetings all,


     Well, didn't I stir up a real hornets' nest with my post concerning the discrepancy between buying local produce and hiring illegal labor? I must be doing something right! Here is a response to that post, from the chef at the cafe in question, that I got in a facebook message. All names have been deleted to protect the innocent, and the guilty. The favor that is referred to was a loan of a quart of olives, which was returned five times over in the form of 5 pounds of fresh mozzarella cheese, the next week.




"so in response to the most recent favor I've done for you, I'm rewarded by you recommending no one patronize ****'s for lunch or brunch, potentially affecting the livelihood I and my family depend on.For this I say FUCK YOU. Once again your information is pulled from your ass and inaccurate, I chose not to comment at the blog site to keep it clean,as no one else has yet to comment, or perhaps even read the damn thing. You continue to be as self-serving and immature as you are, you'll continue to be unemployable and thrown out of bands. NEVER contact me again, stay away from my family and myself, and once again FUCK YOU."

     After receiving this message, I was stunned. Firstly, I never mentioned the name or location of the cafe/ bakery, and secondly, I left a proverbial "trail of bread crumbs" (pun totally intended) for people to follow to find out which cafe/ bakery to which I was referring. Really, who is going to play "DaVinci Code" to find out which local bakery has the most undocumented workers? If you do have that kind of time, get a life!
     I then posted the blog to my facebook page, in an effort to get some feedback on whether or not I was right or wrong in my assessment of the situation. Here are some of the responses I got on my facebook page:

•  
  
  
  
  in my opinion, yes,you are right!! and i voted for you too!
• 
  
  
  
  i think it sounds great .
• 
  
  
  
  there is nothing wrong with it
• 
  
  
  
  How could anyone even question it? If I have to pay taxes, every asshole out there should, too. Whether they are from this country or not!
• 
  
  
  
  I think it was a good article that raised some really good points - especially the one about the bounced paychecks while the illegals are getting paid cash. And really Dave, who in their right mind would leave a nasty comment to someone who can put that many beer caps on his head?
• 
  
  
  
  You were right on the money.
•  
  
  
  
  Right on!

     And I published the one anonymous comment I had on the blog, which was also in support!


     After receiving so much support from friends and readers, I thought it was only right to attempt to mend fences, after all, I did consider the chef to be a friend, and to clarify my position on the matter. So, I wrote several letters to the cafe in question, all addressed to the various legal employees that I knew were still working there. Here is a copy of the letter:

                I’m sure you’ve all heard from **** about my blog post, but here is the letter I sent him regarding my position on this issue.

                ****,

                 I know you told me not to contact you again, but I am writing you to clarify a couple of things, and in the hope that you will reconsider our friendship. I am still willing to go to any length for you, barring legal ramifications. You have always treated me with equity and respect, which is more than I can say for your employers. You may not think so, but I am on your side. Previous blog posts were references to **** and ***** though, admittedly, more veiled than my current post.  

                I believe that your hostility is misdirected. I never mentioned the name or exact location of the business, and you certainly didn’t respond this way to previous blog posts in which I did “name names”  in an effort to shine a light on the sociopathic behaviors that you and I have both endured as employees in the restaurant business.

                Surely, ****’s practice of hiring illegal labor, paying under the table, bouncing paychecks, and shirking his/ her duty as an American business owner to pay taxes presents a greater threat to your livelihood than anything I may print on my blog. Every time someone is let go or quits, there is always the issue of them being angry enough to call the ICE, the IRS, or both, and that is a dark cloud to live and work under. There are certainly more former ****’s employees with an axe to grind than there are people reading my blog, which you pointed out. I was that angry three years ago, but when I considered your livelihood, and the livelihoods of the other “above the table” employees, I decided not to report the many illegal and ill- advised things I saw there, and I don’t plan on ever reporting them the agencies in question. So, it’s really not me you need to worry about. I think you know that this is not a personal thing. I also think you know that ****'s reputation among former and current employees is less than stellar in regards to getting paid, unless you get paid in cash. These are the real threats to your livelihood.

                As far as my information being inaccurate, has **** stopped hiring illegal aliens and paying them in cash? Has s/he stopped bouncing the paychecks of taxpaying citizens? Has s/he treated you, ****, *****, *****, *****, and **** with the respect, equity, and pay you deserve for being a reliable and talented group of people? Moreover, have any of these things actually occurred to him/ her as problems s/he should be addressing? **** has also made his/ her business unsalable, due to the hidden monies and payroll costs. I don’t know of any lawyer, accountant, or real estate agent that will not see the bookkeeping discrepancies at ****’s during the process of due diligence for a potential buyer. So, if s/he ever decides to sell the place, it can only be to you, or someone else that is aware of the hidden costs that are not on the books. I would gladly swallow my pride and print a retraction if you could demonstrate that these morale and economy destroying practices have ceased, but I doubt that they have stopped. Maybe your time would be better spent trying to educate **** and ***** in the error of their ways, rather than ranting about a vague, not widely read, albeit accurate, assessment of the situation. But then again, in your own words, you’ve been, “… teaching them the same lessons…” for the last ten years. It must be exhausting.

                In regards to me being self- serving and immature, making the public aware of lousy and dangerous business practices is probably the least self serving thing a person can do. As a matter of fact, Ralph Nader has made a career of it. Why shouldn’t I warn people not to spend their hard earned money at a place where a large percentage of that money may possibly be shipped directly out of the country and the economy? Isn’t tax evasion for personal profit the most self serving thing one can do? Immature? My thoughts have matured to the point that I realize that the aforementioned less than legal, and less than charitable, practices are not sustainable, and it is really only a matter of time before some disgruntled employee “drops a dime.”

                Referring to me as unemployable is a cheap shot, and I’ve never been thrown out of a band. I was the guy who cleaned the walk in coolers, the dry storage area, spent hours chipping the carbon from the panini grill, and cleaned and organized just about any other area that needed it, without anyone asking. I contributed many excellent recipes for soup and other things (like the tofu marinades that you still use today), reconceived the calzones which decreased cost and prevented waste, and many of my ideas made it into seasonal menu redesigns. So, if being an employee willing to do whatever it takes, wanting to get paid a fair wage in a timely fashion,  expecting to be treated with fairness and respect, and being talented enough for my ideas to be on the menu makes me unemployable, I guess I am.

                I hope that someday you can educate **** and ***** on how they, and many other small business owners, are destroying the country. I think you’d have better luck teaching your dog to play the cello. Maybe this missive can be used to open their eyes. As a matter of fact, I’ll send a copy to ****, *****, *****, *****, ****, *****, and *****. I wish you and the guys nothing but the best, but in my opinion, that happens to be getting as far away from ****, *****, and their egos, as possible, before the karma wheel comes around.  I’m sorry to have lost a reader. Be forewarned! Without some type of acknowledgement or response, this all becomes blog fodder.  After all, I am now a writer/journalist. My email is **************.

In respect and admiration,

David A. Fisher

               I mailed those letters last Thursday. I still haven't gotten a response, or a subpoena, so I guess I'm in the clear. I really am sorry to have lost a friend over this. A friend who is a stand up, shirt off of his back, kind of guy. He's terribly intelligent and personable, and I will miss him............but I am right!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease! 

Why Doesn't the Providence Urinal Print Bad Restaurant Reviews?

Hello all, and welcome back.

     As most of you know, I've been writing for the Rhode Island based environmental news site, ecoRI.org. In today's edition I have 2 feature pieces! I've also started the facebook group, "Stop Bitching about the New Facebook." So if you think that there are things in the world that are more worthy of your ire, frustration, and anger, go ahead and join. Other things to be angry about include: the death of health care reform, banks that received bailouts and are now hoarding money like Scrooge McDuck, or the increasing influence of corporations on our government (Thanks, Supreme Court!) We live in a time of "telescoping" technology, eventually facebook and all of your other faves will be changing by the second, if they haven't succumbed to obsolescence, so GET USED TO IT AND STOP WHINING!

     Tomorrow, the Providence Urinal will publish it's weekly food section. I like to peruse that section to get recipes (although they're usually not very good), find the latest last ditch adverts for restaurants that are rapidly going under (usually a buy one/ get one deal, or "we'll totally suck you off if you eat here!"), and of course, the crossword puzzle (which usually takes me about ten minutes to finish, and that's twice as long as it takes me to read the rest of the paper. Sheesh, what a rag!)

     Last week, after reading the restaurant review, it occurred to me that I hadn't seen a bad review in a while. Then it occurred to me that I don't think that I've ever read a bad restaurant review in our local "news"paper. My initial reaction was disbelief. Could Gail Chiampa, food writer for the paper, have never had a bad dining experience? How about Linda Beaulieu, former food writer for the ProJo? (Who my mother worked with at the Woonsocket Call years ago, incidentally.) Could she have gone all of those years without a bad dining experience? I mean, judging by the restaurant reviews, EVERY restaurant in RI is fantastic, and I know that's not true.

     I then talked to a friend that's been around the RI restaurant biz almost as long as I have.

     I asked him, "Have you ever seen/ read a bad restaurant review in the ProJo?" To which, he responded, "They don't print bad reviews."

      "What do you mean," I said?

      He responded, "If Gail (Chiampa) goes to a restaurant, and has a bad time, she doesn't write the review. She moves on to the next and hopes that it's better."

      I, of course, asked how he knew this. He explained it like this:

      A former boss had once told him this. Several years ago, a couple with a well established restaurant in Providence, decided to expand their Empire. This couple claimed to be the folks who brought the wood grilled pizza to the States. An immodest statement, to say the least. They opened a new venture in the heart of downtown Providence. Apparently, Linda Beaulieu, who was the food writer for the Urinal then, went to the new restaurant, was thoroughly underwhelmed, and wrote a scathingly bad review. When the review ran in the paper, the entrepreneurial  couple was disappointed to put it mildly, and absolutely BATSHIT PISSED OFF to put it accurately. Well, apparently, this couple has a lot of pull at the newspaper (read advertising dollars), they called to complain about the review and the paper hasn't published a bad restaurant review since. 

     

     I've worked in the business for almost twenty years and a review, good or bad, has consequences. A good review can give your business a great boost, and a bad one can ruin you, unless you take the review for what it's supposed to be, and that is, constructive criticism. Address the points in the panning, get better, and move on. Calling the newspaper and complaining is the equivalent of the schoolyard, "I'm telling on you!" Nobody likes a snitch. It's even more disquieting that the paper didn't stand by it's reporter, shoving her under the proverbial bus.

    A bad review is actually more beneficial to a restaurant than a good one because it gives the owners an OBJECTIVE VIEW of their establishment. It's hard to be objective when it's your pet project, but food writers are not there to serve as a restaurant's promotions manager. They are there to inform the public.

     It's sad that in an area that is as inconsequential as food reviews, we can't even count on objectivity from our news sources. If that's the case, can we really expect objective reporting on the things that really matter? 

     

     This is a blatant and unforgivable disservice that the BloJo is perpetrating on the dining out public.Shame on the Providence Journal and shame on Ms. Chiampa. Go back to printing bad reviews when you have them, and when anyone calls to complain, tell them to thicken up their skin, or GET THE F*&# OUT OF THE BUSINESS!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Vote for my Blog! It Won't Kill You! and Buying Locally, Hiring Internationally

Click here to vote for The Unhospitality Industry for the Phoenix's Best of 2010!

     This past Wednesday, I was the onsite correspondent for ecoRI.org at the 6th Annual Local Food Forum at Brown University. Over 200 organizations, businesses, and institutions were in attendance, and the whole experience lifted my spirits. There are so many people in RI that care about sustainable living practices, and molding a clean, positive future for our state, country, and planet. There were a few restaurant owners/ managers in attendance. Matt Gennuso the "tres" talented chef/ owner of Chez Pascal, and Derek Wagner, the innovative chef from Nick's on Broadway, to name a couple.It's fantastic that these restaurants are getting on board the sustainable movement, and I urge all restaurants in RI to buy fresh and local produce when it is available, which is all year long thanks to the organization of the Winter Farmers Market at the Hope Artiste Village in Pawtucket.
     But what good is buying locally, if businesses aren't hiring locally? You get what I'm driving at? Buying locally keeps money in the local economy. Hiring illegal labor, and paying under the table, usually amounts to money being sent directly out of the country, not to mention the lack of local, state, and federal taxes being levied on these cash transactions. Really, why bother doing the former, if you're also going to do the latter?
     Let's examine the differences between outsourcing, and hiring illegal labor and paying them under the table.
Companies that outsource jobs to other countries successfully avoid paying local, state, and federal taxes, and manage to pay people in those countries less than they would pay people in the States to do the same job. Hiring illegal aliens and paying under the table amounts to the same thing, although some of the money stays in the local economy, due to the purchasing of comestibles. So the differences are slim and none. I'm coining a new phrase here, "Domestic Outsourcing." It sounds nicer than hiring illegal labor, and shirking your duty as a business owner to PAY YOUR F*&%ING TAXES!
    I worked at one Providence cafe/ bakery where almost half of the help was paid under the table, citizens and non- citizens alike. Seemingly intentionally to add insult to injury, many of the LEGAL, TAX PAYING employees had to endure weeks on end of BOUNCED PAYCHECKS, while the less than kosher employees received ENVELOPES FULL OF CASH MONEY at the end of the week. I wonder how many of the restaurants and markets (including Dave's Marketplace, and Whole Foods) would continue to buy from this bakery if they knew about their lousy, culture destroying hiring and payment practices. Anyone who knows me knows exactly which cafe/ bakery I'm talking about, and anyone who doesn't, leave a guess on my comment board. It's pretty easy to figure out, go to the Whole Foods on N. Main St. in Providence and check out the bakery section. There are only a couple of Providence bakeries represented there. Then go to those bakeries and take a look around, you'll know which one I'm talking about. I urge everyone to not buy products from this bakery, or stop for lunch, (or brunch on Sat. and Sun.), at this establishment.Their commitment to local goods and produce is commendable, but their hiring and payment practices should be investigated by the ICE and the IRS.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

My Latest Article for ecoRI.org and a Preview of Farm Fresh RI's Local Food Forum

Hello everyone,

Here's a link to my latest piece for eco.RI.org. You'll be shocked and amazed.

Also, tomorrow I'm covering Farm Fresh RI's Local Food forum at Brown University. The keynote speaker is Massachusetts native Gus Shumacher, Former Undersecretary of Agriculture for the Clinton Administration, and current chairman of the Wholesome Wave Foundation. Other speakers include Ken Ayers, Chief of RI DEM Division of Agriculture, and Noah Fulmer, Executive Director of Farm Fresh Rhode Island. Expect a blog post on Thursday on that, and much more.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Spreading the Blog Love. Don't worry, I've Been Tested.

     Today, I thought I'd share a few blogs. One of a good friend, and two that I stumbledupon. Be aware, If you click this link, and sign up for stumbleupon, you will waste hours doing absolutely nothing on the interwebs.

     First, my friend Emily's blog, Cosmos Creative. Emily is a super talented artist, has great taste in music, collects funky old tins, and has a cute cat named "Deuce." She works at an award winning invitation and greeting card design firm, and one of her designs is nominated for a Louie award this year. That's a pretty big deal, if you didn't know! Take that, Hallmark! On top of all of that, she's a pretty spectacular person, and one of my best friends. If you ever run into her, buy her a margarita or some cheese puffs.

    Here are a couple of industry related blogs that you might enjoy. How to be a Better Restaurant Customer is written by a veteran server, and has some funny stories/ observations. How not to do Things is written by another server, who seems to share my warped, and cynical view of the world.
    
     That's all for today.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

The Food-Service-Decor Matrix or How to Review a Restaurant

     First, let me get the shilling out of the way. Today, my first article in a series was published by ecoRI.org, a RI based environmental news site. Big ups to Frank Carini ,editor in chief, and all around "queso grande" at ecoRI, for giving an untrained, untested, previously unpublished writer a chance. Today's story is pretty straightforward, but I assure you that subsequent stories will have my signature snarkiness. Here's a link to the website ecoRI.org. The headline is, "Recyclable Waste from Small Restaurants Flows Unchecked into the State Landfill."
     Now onto today's subject. The question you should ask yourself after a meal out is, "Will I make it a point to eat here again?" Not, "Am I full?"," Did I get my money's worth?", or, "Am I sick?" There are three things you should take into consideration when assessing a dining out experience, the food, the service, and the decor.
     The food can be judged on two factors, flavor and value. Remember, value only goes so far. Food that is inexpensive but tastes like shit, or makes you sick is not a value purchase. Alternately, food that is expensive, but leaves you flat in the flavor department is no good either. Restaurants walk a fine line when it comes to what they charge for what they serve. I would certainly rather pay a little more for an abundance of flavor, but the general rule is the lower the price, the greater the value, unless the food could substitute as fertilizer. Here's the bottom line. IF THE FOOD SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS! Great service and a beautiful decor cannot save lousy or uninspired food.
     Now, onto service. We've all eaten out. We've all had great service. We've all had shoddy service. Assuming the majority of you can tell the difference, I digress. Once again, the bottom line. IF THE SERVICE SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS. The best food is only the best if it is served in a timely, and pleasant, manner.
      Great decor sets the bar pretty high for all newcomers to any eating establishment. Beautiful appointment of the space makes one expect beautiful food and service. Decor is the only area of assessment that, when sub- par, won't automatically preclude me from subsequent visits, but they have to hit it out of the park on the food and service. Lousy decor falls into three categories: old, grungy, and uninspired, or some combination thereof. We've all been to restaurants where the decor is right off of Mike Brady's drafting table. (If you are laughing at that, your age is showing!) Lots of greens and browns. Maybe some angled pine wainscoting. The kind of place where the first dollar they made is hanging on the wall, and it was minted in Confederate States of America. Check out Lil and Gene's Family Restaurant in Manville, RI for an example. Grungy looking places sometimes have the best tasting food. Haven Bros. is a good example. It doesn't look great, or particularly clean, but at 2 AM, after several beers, worth every penny! A lot of smaller asian and latin restaurants suffer from uninspired decor. You know, the kind with paper tablecloths and stackable banquet chairs. Luckily, most of these places take the food and service pretty seriously. Go to Apsara palce on Hope St., or El Rancho Grande on the corner of Pocasset and Plainfield on opposite ends of Providence, to see what I mean. All four restaurants that I've mentioned are worth a trip.
  
     In conclusion, if the food sucks, it doesn't matter if the service and decor are great, the restaurant sucks. No one is returning until there is an "Under new ownership/ management" sign out front.
     If the service sucks, even great food and decor can't save you, the restaurant sucks. People may return, but not for a year or maybe more.
     If the decor is old, grungy, or uninspired, but the food is delicious/ inexpensive, and the service is good, this is a "find", and most people will return.

    Here's to career changes in one's mid- thirties!

    Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Anthony Bourdain at PPAC and Raising our Expectations

     I heard Anthony Bourdain speak at the Providence Performing Arts Center last night. He speaks how he writes, so it was thoroughly entertaining. After reading "Kitchen Confidential", and hearing him speak last night, I can't help but wonder if he started writing his first book in that moment that any veteran of the restaurant biz has had, probably more than once. The moment when you say to yourself, "Sweet Jesus, I need to get out of this god- forsaken business," or some variation thereof. My life has several disturbing parallels to his.

     I started washing dishes in a restaurant when I was 14 or 15. (I honestly can't remember.) Some evil sonofabitch "promoted" me to line cook when I was 18. Let me tell you, it was less of a promotion and more of a lateral motion. I spent most of my twenties in a haze of alcohol and soft drugs, all the while, working my way up the ladder of the RI restaurant business. Really, the only difference here is Mr. Bourdain's penchant was for drugs of the harder variety. The only difference between us right now is: I'm writing a blog, and he's writing his next book. Also, he has a bunch of money and  he's married to a hot italian woman. Hearing him speak last night really inspired me. I've got to keep on writing if I'm ever going to have a pantload of money and a hot foreign wife!
  

      Some would describe Anthony Bourdain as "abrasive". These folks are mistaking  honesty. His demeanor stems from being a man who refuses to accept mediocrity living in a world that is overrun with it. His disappointment isn't in Sandra Lee, or the food network, or any other hack that's on there, it's with us. Why do we so willingly accept mediocrity in food, and just about everything else? TV is a vast wasteland of mediocrity. When was the last time you laughed out loud at a sitcom or a movie, with the exception of  "The Office?" The lack of holding higher standards in government is enough to write another blog about! More on that later.
     This "acceptance of pedestrianism" is evident in the seemingly geometric proliferation of corporate chain restaurants. In the last twenty years, restaurant's like Pizzeria UghNo, TGISaltys, and Applebeast have spread across the country like festering pustules of averageness, while great, privately owned restaurants have floundered. (The misspelling is to avoid legal ramifications.) I'm not saying that the private companies are doing everything right. That has become more than evident to me over the last 15 years. It's just that the corporate places can continue to flourish, even in these tough economic times because of their buying power.
     Chain restaurants can afford to buy warehouses full of food and all manner of dry goods, even equipment, at deep discounts for buying in bulk. The reason that a bottle of Budweiser is a buck fifty at TGIchilibees Food  Factory is because they buy hundreds of cases at a time. The "mom and pop" places usually don't have that kind of capital to lay out, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't have the space to store that much product.
     Of course, my tune would probably change if these restaurants were even remotely good, but they're not. The next time you are unfortunate enough to have just eaten at one of these gastronomic monstrosities, ask yourself these questions:
  
     1. Did the food taste good?
I guess this is subjective, but any time I've eaten the "food" at one of these places, I've been thoroughly underwhelmed with the flavor of the food. Usually it's way too salty.
     2. Was the food good for you?
This answer is a categorical no. The salt content alone makes one cringe. Some dishes at chain places have up to THREE TIMES THE USRDA OF SODIUM. Nothing like three days worth of salt in a sitting! YUM!
     3. Was the meal price appropriate?
I think even if it's free, food that doesn't taste good, and is not good for me, is not a value purchase.

    So, try not to eat at these places. Your blood pressure will thank you. There are plenty of locally owned restaurants to frequent, and I can almost guarantee that the food is better there. And lastly, STEM THE TIDE OF MEDIOCRITY, RAISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

Love, Peace, ands Bacon grease!

Reducing Oil Dependence in the Restaurant

     One of the best and healthiest ways to cook any food is to sautee it. Sauteeing cooks food quickly, and brings out the natural flavors of food, if it's done properly. There isn't a hint of hyperbole in what I'm about to say. Most restaurants DO NOT sautee properly. They tend to go heavy on the oil.
     The term sautee comes from the French sautier- to jump. We've all seen chefs on TV or in person use this technique. A pan is heated, then NO MORE THAN 2 TABLESPOONS of oil is added to the pan. When the oil begins to shimmer,you swirl the oil to coat the pan, and begin the cooking process. Adding any meats or seafood first, browning on one side, turning, then adding any vegetables, tossing, or "jumping", the dish in the pan. Finally, when the cooking process is almost complete, adding, or building a sauce in the pan.YOU SHOULDN"T HAVE TO DRAIN THE OIL FROM THE PAN BEFORE ADDING OR BUILDING THE SAUCE! If you use the least amount of oil possible, the oil becomes part of the sauce. One exception to this rule is ground beef, or  ground pork/ sausage. It's okay to drain most of the fat from your hamburger when you are making chili.
    If you use too much oil, you might as well be deep frying your food. A pan that is hot enough, with just a bit of oil swirled in it becomes nonstick. With enough heat the pores and imperfections in the metal open. Swirling the oil in the pan fills those pores and imperfections, creating a nonstick surface.
     Also, most vegetable, or blended oils can endure temperatures up to 600 degrees fahrenheit, before they begin to smoke. This is called the "smoke point." Extra virgin olive oil's smoke point is much lower. So, I don't care what Rachel Ray says, DO NOT sautee with extra virgin. It's fine to use for slower cooking, but sauteeing calls for high heat/ low oil. That's all for today, I'm off to hear Anthony Bourdain speak at PPAC tonight.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Job Fair? More Like Job Melee!

   

  











 I used to wonder what kind of degenerate loser went to job fairs. Well, today, I was that degenerate loser! Let me say, the face of 10% unemployment in RI is UGLY! The job fair started at 10 AM, and when I pulled onto the Warwick street where the Crowne Plaza is located (approximately 9:45 AM) traffic was backed up for about a quarter mile. Traffic was backed up because the parking lot at the hotel was FULL! I was forced to park in a small neighborhood across the street, and walk a quarter mile to the hotel. Normally, a quarter mile wouldn't bother me, but I was wearing my dress shoes. Ouch!

    When I got there, there were only four or five businesses in which I had interest. One gentleman asked if I was interested in the insurance industry. I replied, "Yes. I'm interested in destroying it." That was the end of that conversation. I think in order to call your business an industry, you should produce something beside forms and paperwork. Insurance is the only product you ever buy and hope you never have to use.

    While there wasn't much there for a career chef, with the exception of a local farm, and of course, the host of the event, the Crowne Plaza, there were a few opportunities for a budding freelance writer. I gave a resume, including a link to this blog, to a representative from Rhode Island Magazine. Apparently, they use only freelancers, so I've got that going for me.

     Anyway, the hotel's ballroom, where the event was held, was packed, to use the local vernacular, "from butt to gut." Not a good place for claustrophobes, or anyone with flatulence. (Look it up!) I've peppered this piece with pictures, to give you an idea. It's nice to feel that you're part of something larger than yourself, and today, I was part of a desperately unemployed mass of people!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

  

New Year, New Career and You Did What?!

     Welcome back! It's a new year, a new decade, and I'm still dealing with the SOS. Blogs are good, restaurants are bad! I have gotten two offers to write for websites after sending my blog as an example of my writing. Funny, that after writing it for just a couple of months, my blog has generated more income potential than my fifteen years of restaurant experience, but I digress. I say potential, because these are not paid positions, but simply opportunities to expand my audience. At least they are giving me a chance, which is more than I can say for any of the restaurant positions for which I have interviewed. 

    As you know, I have been actively looking for work in  the restaurant business since last August. I have had six interviews since then, and all of them ended in a "thanks, but no thanks" rejection email. I fear that a change in my career path is inevitable. That being said, expect more, and more frequent, blog posts.

     Here is a funny story from my past.
     About ten years ago, I was employed as the chef at a prominent french/ fusion restaurant in Downtown Providence. This restaurant had won an a award from RI Monthly for the best gourmet chicken dish. (Unfortunately, not my recipe.) All of the winners were to have a tasting at the RI Convention Center, sponsored by the March of Dimes. I had to prepare bite sized samples of the dish. The owner of the restaurant informed me that there would be approximately 500 people there, and we would have refrigeration and holding ovens for our product. Three days before the event, I placed my orders for all of the food I would need to mount such a production.