The Food-Service-Decor Matrix or How to Review a Restaurant

     First, let me get the shilling out of the way. Today, my first article in a series was published by ecoRI.org, a RI based environmental news site. Big ups to Frank Carini ,editor in chief, and all around "queso grande" at ecoRI, for giving an untrained, untested, previously unpublished writer a chance. Today's story is pretty straightforward, but I assure you that subsequent stories will have my signature snarkiness. Here's a link to the website ecoRI.org. The headline is, "Recyclable Waste from Small Restaurants Flows Unchecked into the State Landfill."
     Now onto today's subject. The question you should ask yourself after a meal out is, "Will I make it a point to eat here again?" Not, "Am I full?"," Did I get my money's worth?", or, "Am I sick?" There are three things you should take into consideration when assessing a dining out experience, the food, the service, and the decor.
     The food can be judged on two factors, flavor and value. Remember, value only goes so far. Food that is inexpensive but tastes like shit, or makes you sick is not a value purchase. Alternately, food that is expensive, but leaves you flat in the flavor department is no good either. Restaurants walk a fine line when it comes to what they charge for what they serve. I would certainly rather pay a little more for an abundance of flavor, but the general rule is the lower the price, the greater the value, unless the food could substitute as fertilizer. Here's the bottom line. IF THE FOOD SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS! Great service and a beautiful decor cannot save lousy or uninspired food.
     Now, onto service. We've all eaten out. We've all had great service. We've all had shoddy service. Assuming the majority of you can tell the difference, I digress. Once again, the bottom line. IF THE SERVICE SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS. The best food is only the best if it is served in a timely, and pleasant, manner.
      Great decor sets the bar pretty high for all newcomers to any eating establishment. Beautiful appointment of the space makes one expect beautiful food and service. Decor is the only area of assessment that, when sub- par, won't automatically preclude me from subsequent visits, but they have to hit it out of the park on the food and service. Lousy decor falls into three categories: old, grungy, and uninspired, or some combination thereof. We've all been to restaurants where the decor is right off of Mike Brady's drafting table. (If you are laughing at that, your age is showing!) Lots of greens and browns. Maybe some angled pine wainscoting. The kind of place where the first dollar they made is hanging on the wall, and it was minted in Confederate States of America. Check out Lil and Gene's Family Restaurant in Manville, RI for an example. Grungy looking places sometimes have the best tasting food. Haven Bros. is a good example. It doesn't look great, or particularly clean, but at 2 AM, after several beers, worth every penny! A lot of smaller asian and latin restaurants suffer from uninspired decor. You know, the kind with paper tablecloths and stackable banquet chairs. Luckily, most of these places take the food and service pretty seriously. Go to Apsara palce on Hope St., or El Rancho Grande on the corner of Pocasset and Plainfield on opposite ends of Providence, to see what I mean. All four restaurants that I've mentioned are worth a trip.
  
     In conclusion, if the food sucks, it doesn't matter if the service and decor are great, the restaurant sucks. No one is returning until there is an "Under new ownership/ management" sign out front.
     If the service sucks, even great food and decor can't save you, the restaurant sucks. People may return, but not for a year or maybe more.
     If the decor is old, grungy, or uninspired, but the food is delicious/ inexpensive, and the service is good, this is a "find", and most people will return.

    Here's to career changes in one's mid- thirties!

    Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!