Spreading the Blog Love. Don't worry, I've Been Tested.

     Today, I thought I'd share a few blogs. One of a good friend, and two that I stumbledupon. Be aware, If you click this link, and sign up for stumbleupon, you will waste hours doing absolutely nothing on the interwebs.

     First, my friend Emily's blog, Cosmos Creative. Emily is a super talented artist, has great taste in music, collects funky old tins, and has a cute cat named "Deuce." She works at an award winning invitation and greeting card design firm, and one of her designs is nominated for a Louie award this year. That's a pretty big deal, if you didn't know! Take that, Hallmark! On top of all of that, she's a pretty spectacular person, and one of my best friends. If you ever run into her, buy her a margarita or some cheese puffs.

    Here are a couple of industry related blogs that you might enjoy. How to be a Better Restaurant Customer is written by a veteran server, and has some funny stories/ observations. How not to do Things is written by another server, who seems to share my warped, and cynical view of the world.
    
     That's all for today.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

The Food-Service-Decor Matrix or How to Review a Restaurant

     First, let me get the shilling out of the way. Today, my first article in a series was published by ecoRI.org, a RI based environmental news site. Big ups to Frank Carini ,editor in chief, and all around "queso grande" at ecoRI, for giving an untrained, untested, previously unpublished writer a chance. Today's story is pretty straightforward, but I assure you that subsequent stories will have my signature snarkiness. Here's a link to the website ecoRI.org. The headline is, "Recyclable Waste from Small Restaurants Flows Unchecked into the State Landfill."
     Now onto today's subject. The question you should ask yourself after a meal out is, "Will I make it a point to eat here again?" Not, "Am I full?"," Did I get my money's worth?", or, "Am I sick?" There are three things you should take into consideration when assessing a dining out experience, the food, the service, and the decor.
     The food can be judged on two factors, flavor and value. Remember, value only goes so far. Food that is inexpensive but tastes like shit, or makes you sick is not a value purchase. Alternately, food that is expensive, but leaves you flat in the flavor department is no good either. Restaurants walk a fine line when it comes to what they charge for what they serve. I would certainly rather pay a little more for an abundance of flavor, but the general rule is the lower the price, the greater the value, unless the food could substitute as fertilizer. Here's the bottom line. IF THE FOOD SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS! Great service and a beautiful decor cannot save lousy or uninspired food.
     Now, onto service. We've all eaten out. We've all had great service. We've all had shoddy service. Assuming the majority of you can tell the difference, I digress. Once again, the bottom line. IF THE SERVICE SUCKS, THE RESTAURANT SUCKS. The best food is only the best if it is served in a timely, and pleasant, manner.
      Great decor sets the bar pretty high for all newcomers to any eating establishment. Beautiful appointment of the space makes one expect beautiful food and service. Decor is the only area of assessment that, when sub- par, won't automatically preclude me from subsequent visits, but they have to hit it out of the park on the food and service. Lousy decor falls into three categories: old, grungy, and uninspired, or some combination thereof. We've all been to restaurants where the decor is right off of Mike Brady's drafting table. (If you are laughing at that, your age is showing!) Lots of greens and browns. Maybe some angled pine wainscoting. The kind of place where the first dollar they made is hanging on the wall, and it was minted in Confederate States of America. Check out Lil and Gene's Family Restaurant in Manville, RI for an example. Grungy looking places sometimes have the best tasting food. Haven Bros. is a good example. It doesn't look great, or particularly clean, but at 2 AM, after several beers, worth every penny! A lot of smaller asian and latin restaurants suffer from uninspired decor. You know, the kind with paper tablecloths and stackable banquet chairs. Luckily, most of these places take the food and service pretty seriously. Go to Apsara palce on Hope St., or El Rancho Grande on the corner of Pocasset and Plainfield on opposite ends of Providence, to see what I mean. All four restaurants that I've mentioned are worth a trip.
  
     In conclusion, if the food sucks, it doesn't matter if the service and decor are great, the restaurant sucks. No one is returning until there is an "Under new ownership/ management" sign out front.
     If the service sucks, even great food and decor can't save you, the restaurant sucks. People may return, but not for a year or maybe more.
     If the decor is old, grungy, or uninspired, but the food is delicious/ inexpensive, and the service is good, this is a "find", and most people will return.

    Here's to career changes in one's mid- thirties!

    Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Anthony Bourdain at PPAC and Raising our Expectations

     I heard Anthony Bourdain speak at the Providence Performing Arts Center last night. He speaks how he writes, so it was thoroughly entertaining. After reading "Kitchen Confidential", and hearing him speak last night, I can't help but wonder if he started writing his first book in that moment that any veteran of the restaurant biz has had, probably more than once. The moment when you say to yourself, "Sweet Jesus, I need to get out of this god- forsaken business," or some variation thereof. My life has several disturbing parallels to his.

     I started washing dishes in a restaurant when I was 14 or 15. (I honestly can't remember.) Some evil sonofabitch "promoted" me to line cook when I was 18. Let me tell you, it was less of a promotion and more of a lateral motion. I spent most of my twenties in a haze of alcohol and soft drugs, all the while, working my way up the ladder of the RI restaurant business. Really, the only difference here is Mr. Bourdain's penchant was for drugs of the harder variety. The only difference between us right now is: I'm writing a blog, and he's writing his next book. Also, he has a bunch of money and  he's married to a hot italian woman. Hearing him speak last night really inspired me. I've got to keep on writing if I'm ever going to have a pantload of money and a hot foreign wife!
  

      Some would describe Anthony Bourdain as "abrasive". These folks are mistaking  honesty. His demeanor stems from being a man who refuses to accept mediocrity living in a world that is overrun with it. His disappointment isn't in Sandra Lee, or the food network, or any other hack that's on there, it's with us. Why do we so willingly accept mediocrity in food, and just about everything else? TV is a vast wasteland of mediocrity. When was the last time you laughed out loud at a sitcom or a movie, with the exception of  "The Office?" The lack of holding higher standards in government is enough to write another blog about! More on that later.
     This "acceptance of pedestrianism" is evident in the seemingly geometric proliferation of corporate chain restaurants. In the last twenty years, restaurant's like Pizzeria UghNo, TGISaltys, and Applebeast have spread across the country like festering pustules of averageness, while great, privately owned restaurants have floundered. (The misspelling is to avoid legal ramifications.) I'm not saying that the private companies are doing everything right. That has become more than evident to me over the last 15 years. It's just that the corporate places can continue to flourish, even in these tough economic times because of their buying power.
     Chain restaurants can afford to buy warehouses full of food and all manner of dry goods, even equipment, at deep discounts for buying in bulk. The reason that a bottle of Budweiser is a buck fifty at TGIchilibees Food  Factory is because they buy hundreds of cases at a time. The "mom and pop" places usually don't have that kind of capital to lay out, and even if they did, they probably wouldn't have the space to store that much product.
     Of course, my tune would probably change if these restaurants were even remotely good, but they're not. The next time you are unfortunate enough to have just eaten at one of these gastronomic monstrosities, ask yourself these questions:
  
     1. Did the food taste good?
I guess this is subjective, but any time I've eaten the "food" at one of these places, I've been thoroughly underwhelmed with the flavor of the food. Usually it's way too salty.
     2. Was the food good for you?
This answer is a categorical no. The salt content alone makes one cringe. Some dishes at chain places have up to THREE TIMES THE USRDA OF SODIUM. Nothing like three days worth of salt in a sitting! YUM!
     3. Was the meal price appropriate?
I think even if it's free, food that doesn't taste good, and is not good for me, is not a value purchase.

    So, try not to eat at these places. Your blood pressure will thank you. There are plenty of locally owned restaurants to frequent, and I can almost guarantee that the food is better there. And lastly, STEM THE TIDE OF MEDIOCRITY, RAISE YOUR EXPECTATIONS.

Love, Peace, ands Bacon grease!

Reducing Oil Dependence in the Restaurant

     One of the best and healthiest ways to cook any food is to sautee it. Sauteeing cooks food quickly, and brings out the natural flavors of food, if it's done properly. There isn't a hint of hyperbole in what I'm about to say. Most restaurants DO NOT sautee properly. They tend to go heavy on the oil.
     The term sautee comes from the French sautier- to jump. We've all seen chefs on TV or in person use this technique. A pan is heated, then NO MORE THAN 2 TABLESPOONS of oil is added to the pan. When the oil begins to shimmer,you swirl the oil to coat the pan, and begin the cooking process. Adding any meats or seafood first, browning on one side, turning, then adding any vegetables, tossing, or "jumping", the dish in the pan. Finally, when the cooking process is almost complete, adding, or building a sauce in the pan.YOU SHOULDN"T HAVE TO DRAIN THE OIL FROM THE PAN BEFORE ADDING OR BUILDING THE SAUCE! If you use the least amount of oil possible, the oil becomes part of the sauce. One exception to this rule is ground beef, or  ground pork/ sausage. It's okay to drain most of the fat from your hamburger when you are making chili.
    If you use too much oil, you might as well be deep frying your food. A pan that is hot enough, with just a bit of oil swirled in it becomes nonstick. With enough heat the pores and imperfections in the metal open. Swirling the oil in the pan fills those pores and imperfections, creating a nonstick surface.
     Also, most vegetable, or blended oils can endure temperatures up to 600 degrees fahrenheit, before they begin to smoke. This is called the "smoke point." Extra virgin olive oil's smoke point is much lower. So, I don't care what Rachel Ray says, DO NOT sautee with extra virgin. It's fine to use for slower cooking, but sauteeing calls for high heat/ low oil. That's all for today, I'm off to hear Anthony Bourdain speak at PPAC tonight.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Job Fair? More Like Job Melee!

   

  











 I used to wonder what kind of degenerate loser went to job fairs. Well, today, I was that degenerate loser! Let me say, the face of 10% unemployment in RI is UGLY! The job fair started at 10 AM, and when I pulled onto the Warwick street where the Crowne Plaza is located (approximately 9:45 AM) traffic was backed up for about a quarter mile. Traffic was backed up because the parking lot at the hotel was FULL! I was forced to park in a small neighborhood across the street, and walk a quarter mile to the hotel. Normally, a quarter mile wouldn't bother me, but I was wearing my dress shoes. Ouch!

    When I got there, there were only four or five businesses in which I had interest. One gentleman asked if I was interested in the insurance industry. I replied, "Yes. I'm interested in destroying it." That was the end of that conversation. I think in order to call your business an industry, you should produce something beside forms and paperwork. Insurance is the only product you ever buy and hope you never have to use.

    While there wasn't much there for a career chef, with the exception of a local farm, and of course, the host of the event, the Crowne Plaza, there were a few opportunities for a budding freelance writer. I gave a resume, including a link to this blog, to a representative from Rhode Island Magazine. Apparently, they use only freelancers, so I've got that going for me.

     Anyway, the hotel's ballroom, where the event was held, was packed, to use the local vernacular, "from butt to gut." Not a good place for claustrophobes, or anyone with flatulence. (Look it up!) I've peppered this piece with pictures, to give you an idea. It's nice to feel that you're part of something larger than yourself, and today, I was part of a desperately unemployed mass of people!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

  

New Year, New Career and You Did What?!

     Welcome back! It's a new year, a new decade, and I'm still dealing with the SOS. Blogs are good, restaurants are bad! I have gotten two offers to write for websites after sending my blog as an example of my writing. Funny, that after writing it for just a couple of months, my blog has generated more income potential than my fifteen years of restaurant experience, but I digress. I say potential, because these are not paid positions, but simply opportunities to expand my audience. At least they are giving me a chance, which is more than I can say for any of the restaurant positions for which I have interviewed. 

    As you know, I have been actively looking for work in  the restaurant business since last August. I have had six interviews since then, and all of them ended in a "thanks, but no thanks" rejection email. I fear that a change in my career path is inevitable. That being said, expect more, and more frequent, blog posts.

     Here is a funny story from my past.
     About ten years ago, I was employed as the chef at a prominent french/ fusion restaurant in Downtown Providence. This restaurant had won an a award from RI Monthly for the best gourmet chicken dish. (Unfortunately, not my recipe.) All of the winners were to have a tasting at the RI Convention Center, sponsored by the March of Dimes. I had to prepare bite sized samples of the dish. The owner of the restaurant informed me that there would be approximately 500 people there, and we would have refrigeration and holding ovens for our product. Three days before the event, I placed my orders for all of the food I would need to mount such a production.