Eulogy for a Friend

I lost a friend of twenty years today. Sadly, my cat, Tiger died this morning. I've had him since I was fourteen.

In his younger days, Tiger was quite the mouser, and snaker, and birder. I'd come home to the obligatory dead fauna on the doormat. He was the sentry of my compound in the 'burbs. When my mother would go next door, or to the corner store, the cat would follow her, and stand guard outside the door. When one of the indoor cats would sneak out, Tiger would follow them around, and eventually lead me to the missing feline.

He was a cat's cat; aloof as they come. He would let you pet him, but only on his terms. Sometimes, when he was lolling in the sun, on a warm day, he would let me scratch his belly. He never followed me around after I'd scratched his gut. He wasn't needy. He knew that the next time I noticed him basking in the sun, I'd come.

The house will seem a little bit emptier tonight. Rest in Peace, Tiger.

To the Anonymous Comment from a Reasonable Person

Here is a response to my latest post, from a reasonable restaurant owner:
  
      "We place ads on Craiglist that say no phone calls but people still call. And they call during lunch or dinner hour! We ask people to apply in person. Maybe these places don't want responses by e-mail. Why don't you just show up at the restaurant you want to work at in the morning or in between lunch and dinner and ask to speak to the owner. We have been looking for people for months and have had no luck. I don't think we are D-Bags and just don't understand in this economy why we can't find some decent people who want to work. I'm not trying to criticize but just want to understand. I apologize if we ever received e-mail and never responded."

      OK, the line "just want to understand", got me. This person took the time to reach out to someone who, by the way his blog reads, doesn't much care for him. Believe me, I have seen the other side of the coin. People's general lack of courtesy, intelligence, knowledge and motivation is astounding. So, I responded in kind. It's funny how starting an open dialog brings down peoples defenses, and focuses them more on what they have in common, than what separates them. Now, if we could only bring that to Washington!


     "Thanks for your response.
I've been in your shoes before.If I placed an ad that specifically said no phone calls, anyone who called would be out of the running. As a matter of fact, that's my policy!
     If you are getting calls, you put either your establishments name, address, or phone number in the posting; you are not one of the owners I'm railing against! Identifying your establishment in your ad allows potential applicants to perform "due diligence", if you will. I try to avoid sending my resume to a restaurant until I've seen the menu, the location, and eaten there on at least one, but preferably two occasions. The anonymity of craigslist doesn't allow me to do that!
     Craigslist allows you the area wide employment advertisement, that is so essential to your business, for free. Accepting emails is part of the bargain. It is relatively easy to set up an automated response on an email account. As a matter of fact, I'll do it for you! It allows you to sort through the applicants at your leisure. It allows you to pre-check peoples references,again, "due diligence."
     I apologize if I offended you, and I empathize with you on the lack of qualified, motivated help out there. Like I said, I've been in your shoes before. It's a shame you responded anonymously, you sound like a reasonable person. If you read this, and would like to not be anonymous, send me the name of your place on the comment board and I'll set up a new email account for you, with an automated responder!"

      Again, feel free to comment, you might make the blog!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

War of Annoyance or I Should Have Been a Spammer!

     Welcome back, everyone! I took a few days off from posting to let my rage build up to proper ranting levels. It only took a week!
     As you all know, my job search has been less than stellar. I've been sending out resumes on almost a daily basis since the middle of July, and have received three responses that resulted in two interviews and a "No, thank you." to a restaurant that is owned by one of the most notorious d- bags in Rhode Island. Here's where the fun starts.
     On Monday of this week, I sent an email to sixteen craigslist postings for jobs. I  received one  response, NOT offering me me an interview. I'll touch on this later.
     On Tuesday, I sent out fifteen emails, (16-1= 15), and received one response. I'll touch on the responses at the end of this post.
     On Wednesday, I sent  fourteen emails, and received no response.
     On Thursday, I sent the same fourteen emails, and received no response.
     On Friday, I sent the same fourteen emails, and received no response.
     Do you see a pattern forming?
     I VOW to send these emails everyday, until I receive some kind of response, even if it is, "Please stop emailing me." Do these folks know how easy it is to set up an automatic email responder? (Pretty easy.)
Maybe you write some thing like, "Thanks for your interest. Interviews will be held on Oct. xx and xx. If you do not hear from us by then, you are not in contention for the position. 
Thank you,
Some restaurant owner/ manager"
    I understand that, in today's economy, anyone who posts an ad for employment on craigslist must be inundated with responses. But that is no reason to not be PROFESSIONAL. A simple, "Thanks, but no thanks." is all I'm asking. Hit  "Read More" to read about the two responses I did receive.


Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Internet Hijinx or Finding Your Voice

Anoyone who's read this column of my blog, ------------------>
knows that the whole idea sprung from a frustrated attempt to determine if it's "just me" or the whole industry in which I'd built my career, that was, to use the local vernacular, fucked up. Imagine my relief and pleasure, when responses to my initial ad, and then my blog, have been so positive. Thanks for reading. I'll keep writing as long as you send me binary adulation!


I only received one negative email in response to my online ad.


I am cutting and pasting from the email body here:


"Fuck off and get a fucking job loser!"


Now, I received over 100 replys to that initial posting, this was the ONLY negative response, and was tied for the least coherent with one gentleman who exclaimed, "can i get a hell yeah." Why not? HELL, YEAH!!!
Well, feeling the need to get back quickly to all who respond to my posts, I sent the following:


"Thank you, Mr. ***** for stating your disagreement in a clear and concise manner, albeit in a limited vocabulary. These are exactly the types of behavior I was pointing out. Thank you for proving my point."


Then, later that day, I sent him a link to my blog. Every day. Since I started. Even when I didn't post. Yesterday, I received this email from him.


"Please don't email me anymore, please."


I immediately fired an email back:


Dear Mr *****,

     I apologize for your email address making it's way onto my blog's email list. I know you must have found some of the larger words confusing. You will be removed post haste!  I mistook your initial contact, as per my posting on craigslist, as a feeble attempt at humor, and an interest in my blog's content. Also, thanks for the career advice! I am currently "fucking off" and trying to "get a fucking job", as far as being a "loser", the only thing I've lost lately is my faith in humanity, thanks to people like you.

Very Sincerely,

Dave Fisher

Three things occurred to me as soon as I hit send. One, I hope this guy isn't a stalker/ murderer/ lawyer. Two, this shit is still pretty funny. And third, these things wouldn't happen if looking for a job took more than TWENTY MINUTES ON THE GODDAMNED COMPUTER!

Looking for a job used to take all day. You'd get up, grab a coffee and a newspaper, a stack of resumes, and out the door. Drive here, here, here, stop for lunch. Drive here, here, here, here, grab dinner and a beer, you deserve it. Finding work used to BE work. And even though you didn't have a job, you still felt like you accomplished  something. You went out, put on a decent shirt and those pants that make your ass look great, met some people, might have even had an impromptu interview.

Now, I look for a job in my underwear, which is a lousy place to work.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Online Business Anonymity and The Reverse Classified

     In the past five years, craigslist has come to dominate the local job search scene in most major metropolitan areas. Kudos, to Craig Newmark! He found a way to bring (mostly) free, effective advertising to every business and person in America. He also provided a veil of secrecy for employers to hide behind when hiring help.


Let' s take a look at some of the worst offenders, these ads were all posted on my local (RI) craigslist (posting titles are bold):


SOUS CHEF AND DISHWASHER WEEKENDS AND NIGHT ARE YOURS - (Rhode Island)


Maintain standards and specifications related to food preparation and food handling on a daily basis

• Location: Rhode Island
• Compensation: Full

This one tries to suck you in with the "Holy Grail" of service employment. No night(?)  and weekends! Is it one position or two?  This is a series of words, not a job description, not even a sentence. And "Full" compensation! Yaaaaaaay!

Front of House Manager (Providence)

Independant Restaurant owner needs a FOH manager

This is not a GM spot!

Responsibilities are controlling the dining room, maximizing guest satisfaction, building business, and end of week paperwork ie payroll and scheduling.

50 hour work week. This position is perfect for someone with lots of energy who is looking to build their resume.

Please send current resume and salary history.

Thanks and have a great day

• Location: Providence
• Compensation: 45k

    This one is totally vague and confusing. It tell's you right off the bat,  the job is not a GM position, then tells you the job entails all the things the GM should be doing! Independant restaurant? Is it French? Like fondant? And not one iota of information about the restaurant. This could be an ad for any restaurant in Providence! Someone with "lots of energy", usually translates to someone we can use , burn up, and shit out!

line cook (northern r.i.)

cook part time saute a plus great working atomsphere and fellow employees saturday nite a must send resume to email address
 

• Location: northern r.i.
• Compensation: compensation to experience

     This isn't even in English, as far as I'm concerned. No caps, no punctuation, and not spellchecked. What the fuck is an ATOMSPHERE! Sounds like something out of cheesy sci- fi novel! Also, I'd prefer that my compensation was to ME, not my experience. That would be a difficult check to cash!

Catering and Event Production Cook (Rhode Island)

 General cooking experience. Baking knowledge a plus. Must have good driving record and safe driving habits. Must be willing to work weekends.

• Location: Rhode Island
• Compensation: full

     General cooking experience? How general? Boiling water? Toast? Microwave popcorn? Wouldn't having baking knowledge make your cooking experience specific, not general? Do they secretly follow you to determine your driving habits? And talk about vague, what if this ad were an interview?

        Interviewee:   What kind of compensation do you offer?

        Interviewer:    Full.

        Interviewee:   Could you be more specific?

        Interviewer:   No.

    All of these ads, like most on craigslist, had anonymous reply addresses. These are just a few of the vaguest ads I could find, but there are many more out there on websites such as craigslist. Why all the secrecy? It's like the Bush administration is staffing restaurants in RI!

    

      I understand businesses need to hire discreetly sometimes, but come on! These ads give only the foggiest idea of where they're located, don't mention their names, what types of food they serve, how long they've been in operation, starting pay, etc. The problem that I have with all the vagueness, is that, in response to these poorly worded, poorly spelled, esoteric, non- informational, unprofessional adverts, we must lay our  LIFE HISTORY, in resume form, on the doorstep of strangers! The posting guidelines on craigslist are lax, at best, and ANYONE, not just employers, can post to craigslist jobs posting. This includes less than reputable characters such as identity thieves, stalkers, government intelligence agents, corporate intelligence agents (they do exist, see the movie "The Corporation"), and plain old American weirdos! Just having your full name and geographical location is enough information to get a pretty complete picture of you from the web. Never mind having your education history, work and salary history, and contact info for friends, relatives, and former employers (references)!

     As if to add insult to potential injury, the anonymity of online hiring also removes the ability of the applicant/ job seeker to research the business to which he's applying. What if you want to work in fine dining? Why waste your time sending resumes to pubs and cafes? It also leads to sending your resume to the SAME JOB over and over again, which is wasted time for you, not to mention a pain for the unnamed employer. Although, I'm willing to bet most emailed resumes get trashed on the computer, before they make hard copy. That's what some of them are facilitating when they ask you to "copy and paste" your resume into the body of an email. No attachments means no hard disk space used!

These ads are the first contact prospective employees have with your business. If so little care and consideration is given to the procurement of willing labor, how much care and consideration will be given to the employees, new and old? If  the people who post these unintelligible ads actually speak and write like this, the future of American small business is in trouble.

Be careful out there job hunters, as one responder said, " The vaguest ads are from the employers with the most to hide." Kindly leave me your comments and recollections of bosses past . Hit "Read More" for my reverse craigslist classified! It's specifically vague from the applicants point of view!

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

Restaurant History and the Rise of the Merchant/ Middle class

     Today, I thought I would illuminate the history of the hospitality business, and it's inherent link to the middle class. There are a lot of people in this business, and very few know from whence the industry came.

     The term restaurant comes from the French, restaurer- v. to restore. Originally used to refer to a hearty soup, the term restaurant was first applied to an eating establishment in the 1760's by a Parisian soup- seller named Boulanger. Oddly, his name means baker. (Only a couple of people will get why I found this so interesting. The first restaurant was a SOUP SHACK!) The existence of restaurants, in Alexandria and Jerusalem, is  mentioned in a book published in 1883 by Alfred Edersheim entitled "Life and Times of Jesus the Messiah." That would make restaurants older than Christianity.
     Restaurants grew out of the inns, taverns, and market food stands that we have known from antiquity. These inns and taverns usually catered to the travelling merchant class, and locals would rarely eat there (with the exception of the market stands.) In China, restaurants have existed since the 11th century (Song dynasty.)
     Many cultural anthropologists have linked the rise of restaurants to the rise of other activities that require a burgeoning middle class with disposable income to survive, such as, theatrical stage drama, gambling, and prostitution, the first hospitality trade. The first restaurant ,as we have come to know it (i.e. Individual tables for partys, set business hours, set menus, etc.) was opened in Paris in 1782 by a leading food writer and gastronomic authority named, Antoine Beauvilliers. He later wrote "L'art de Cuisinier." (1814). Now, let's explore the relationship between the middle class and the hospitality business.

RestauRAVE!

     Howdy everyone. Today I'm beginning a new feature called the "RestauRAVE!" You know, like restauRANT! Corny? Yes! Will I continue? Yes! I love a good pun/ play on words!

     Today's "Restaurave!" is for a little diner on 29 Winter St Manville, RI called Lil and Gene's Family Restaurant.
(401) 765-2270

     My mom has sworn by this place for breakfast for years, and we went there today for breakfast. First, this place is a throwback. The sign outside has to be from the 40's- 50's.
     It's a tiny neighborhood diner that is on the first floor of a three story building. The kind of place that every neighborhood used to have, but very few exist today. A place where people would gather and talk about local politics, and sports, and their daughter's wedding, and their father's passing. A place where friends and neighbors rally around you when you're unfortunate, and gives you the opportunity to rally for them when the time comes.The kind of place you go to and know you are not alone.
     They serve up good home cooking for very short dough. I had two eggs perfectly cooked, toast, homefries that didn't suck, two sausage patties that had to be three inches across, two banana pancakes and coffee for $8.50. I'd love to post a link, but like I said, this place is an anachronism.
     They're open Tuesday to Sunday for lunch until one p.m., and Friday nights till seven. Enjoy!

The Waiting Game

I haven't posted in a couple of days. I've been mulling over several topics, but I decided to go with a salute to the waitstaff!

As a kitchen employee, lo, these many years, I have had the opportunity to witness, and be subject to subhuman treatment by chefs, owners, and management, alike. From bounced paychecks, to bald faced lies, to promises of promotion and money that never materialize, there seems to be a disproportionate amount of immoral, illegal, ill- advised, and downright cruel behavior on the part of restaurant owners in RI.

At times it's been enough to make me walk directly out of the restaurant, or as I like to call it, the "two day" notice. As in, "I am leaving TO-DAY!"

Anyone who has worked in the hospitality trade has probably had a run in with a tyrannical manager/ owner, and that is enough to take, but the waiters, waitresses, and bartenders also have to absorb the seemingly endless disdain and mistreatment of the general public, as well. Not to mention the lousy tippers!

Every waiter or waitress I know has at least a few stories of derision and condescension suffered at the hands of the "guests." I have seen perfectly nice young ladies reduced to tears because of monstrous behavior and treatment of restaurant customers. Guests? The way some people mistreat the help in restaurants, I definitely wouldn't invite them into my home!

Keep in mind, in most states, waitstaff wages are significantly lower than minimum wage, to account for the tip income. So if you don't tip, kids don't eat. If you can't afford a meal AND reasonable tip at a full service restaurant, go to a fast food place, or better yet, create a meal at home! Couples, cook with your spouses! Parents, cook with your children!

So, I tip my hat to the hard working service staff, who have to endure a double dose of derision on a daily.

Love, Peace, and Bacon grease!

GreenGal Catering, and "The Punching of the Pasta"

I don't want this blog to become a fount of negativity, so today I'm going to let everyone know about a great catering company called GreenGal Events and Catering, based in Dartmouth, Massachusetts.

GreenGal takes a very eco- friendly approach to the catering business, starting with buying and serving locally grown produce, locally caught and harvested fish and shellfish, local free range poultry and eggs, and locally raised beef and pork.

The next step in GreenGal's ecological initiative is reducing landfill waste by up to 80% by recycling everything, and I mean everything. Paper and brown waste is composted. Cardboard, glass, metal, and plastics are recycled. Green waste is fed to cows, and everything else is fed to pigs. SOOOOEY!

They even use corn- based plastic disposable containers, at a greater cost to the company,
that biodegrade in a significantly shorter time than their paper and thermoplastic counterparts.

And the food is second to none. The chef, who I've known for twenty years, cut his teeth at RI foodie hotspots like XO and New Rivers, and knows the value of "art in simplicity."

You can learn more and see the menu at greengalcatering.com.

And now, "The Punching of the Pasta."

The Best Way to Promote a Business

Well, I had two interviews today, at what seem like decent places. But they all seem like decent places at first, don't they?

Successful advertising and promotions are essential to the survival of any business, large or small. Especially restaurants.

From the shortest post on craigslist, to the most globally overblown promos for ghastly Jerry Bruckheimer films, effective advertising is key.But there is a much more valuable advertising resource available to all companies. Can you guess what it is?

A resource that not only creates a positive public image of your company and products/ services, it also breeds future willing and enthusiastic employees. Have you guessed yet?

A resource that is available in any size, color, or quantity. A resource that, with care and good management, gets more effective with time. C'mon it's plain as day!

A resource for instant feedback. A resource more valuable than a full page print ad. Still wondering?

I'm going to bold, here. I'm not yelling, I just want everyone to get it.

YOUR EMPLOYEE'S POSITIVE EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE IS THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY TO PROMOTE YOUR RESTAURANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ask any full time chef or cook about his job, and if he/ she is being honest, nine times out of ten, you'll get an answer containing some variation of the following:

"I love cooking, but... the hours are terrible, I have to do the dishes too,my boss is a coked up freak who blows up at employees in front of other employees and customers, the manager has the people skills of a rusty knife and dips into the till, the recipes are mediocre at best, the kitchen isn't clean due to the fact that the help is rushed out the door to "Save on labor.", my boss keeps grabbing my ass/ junk, my boss lies to my face, my hours/ paycheck are constantly "adjusted", my paycheck bounces while several less than legal employees take home envelopes full of cash, having no health insurance sucks, I'm forced to live with a douchebag roommate because I can't afford to live on my own on what I make, etc."

An employee or former employee who is satisfied by his/her job will say:

"I love my job, I get along with the staff, the owner/ manager is an effective communicator, the food is great, you should definitely come in, I sent my son there to get a job when he turned fifteen, hard work and innovation are rewarded, I have a great benefits package, etc."

I really cannot believe the reprehensible treatment and conditions so many have endured trying to make a living "in the business", and I certainly don't know of any industry that asks more from, and gives less to, it's employees. Unless you win in Vegas or the stock market (six of one...), labor precedes capital. Happy labor precedes more capital through FREE ADVERTISING. Cared for employees care for businesses. To quote a famous American author, "'Nuff said."

Again, I urge you to comment and leave your tales of restaurant ridiculousness. I will edit and post the most outrageous. Anonymously, of course. Still send me names of establishments, I will try to compile an online database of places to stay away from in a job hunt.

Tomorrow I will feature a story called, "The Punching of the Pasta." Possibly the funniest/ scariest thing I've ever seen in a restaurant.

I Need More Heat!

Well, here it is folks. Your chance to let it all hang out about the "people" you've worked with and for in the Hospitality business. I'll get the ball rolling.

This isn't so much a tale of bad behavior, so much as a tragedy of unrealized business potential.

Some time ago, I worked at a small cafe in a well to do residential/ commercial area with a pretty strong morning rush for coffee (7:30-9 am). When I say small, I mean an open, one man, breakfast and lunch kitchen, a pastry chef, and a half dozen part time baristas/ counter help.

Well, the only way to cook anything was the convection oven,a panini grill, and a small, magnetic cooktop, just big enough for one pan. When the morning coffee rush would come, so would the egg sandwich rush.

Now, I can cook an egg pretty damn quickly, and the fillings/ toppings were all precooked. But between cooking the eggs,and toasting the bread, you're talking, three, maybe four minutes per sandwich, which is fine, if you can cook three or four at a time. BUT I ONLY HAD ROOM TO MAKE ONE AT A TIME!

Take this scenario. Everyone orders the easiest thing to make, a plain egg sandwich in a wrap, and every ticket has only that on it. The first ticket comes in, I begin to cook the eggs. In the three minutes it takes me to cook the eggs, five more tickets come in. Now , I sell the first ticket, and the next five people have already been waiting for up to three minutes. I begin to cook the eggs for the second customer. Three minutes later, I plate the second order, and customers 3, 4, 5, and 6 have been waiting for up to six minutes. Follow this logic, and CUSTOMER SIX HAS WAITED EIGHTEEN MINUTES FOR A PLAIN EGG SANDWICH!!! CUSTOMER SIX IS PISSED OFF!!! CUSTOMER FIFTEEN LEAVES THE STORE IN A RAGE AFTER WAITING THIRTY- FIVE MINUTES!!!

Keep in mind, this is a "best case" scenario. We all know, the chances of only one item being on every ticket, and everyone ordering the least complicated item, are slim and none. We also know the orders don't stop coming in after the sixth one. Even if there are two items on a ticket, in the three minutes it takes me to make the second set of eggs, the first set has gone cold.

Imagine my frustration at watching customers pile up at the counter, getting angrier and angrier, and no matter how fast I move, there's nothing I can do about it.

When I brought up the logistical problem of only cooking one thing at a time , and the mathematical inevitability of people being annoyed by this, myself included, and a solution to the problem ("A new 4 burner cooktop would increase the production exponentially."), I was told that a new cooktop with four burners was not in the budget anytime in the near future.

I was "taken off the schedule" shortly after that, for having a bad attitude. I guess wanting to serve six people in six minutes rather than eighteen is a bad attitude to have.

Well there it is, my first blog post. I know it's long, but I am unemployed. Thanks to all who stuck with me.

Remember this blog is your forum, too. Send me your restaurant horror stories, and I will edit and post the best of the worst, and the worst of the best.